New Address!

Welcome to my blog! Thanks for joining in. I had a new blog address where you can keep up with the latest postings. It's still being developed, but hopefully will become a fun, delightful place where we can Love Ourselves to Life!

You can find me at:   brendavanwinkle.wordpress.com

See you there!

Oh, To Be A Child, Again!

I went shopping today, and ended up looking at toys. OK, I did more than look. In just a few weeks our granddaughter will be here for Christmas - our first Christmas with a grandchild in the house and well, Grandma is having fun already! It's been a lot of years since I've looked at toys with any real zeal, and was so impressed by some of the fun things available. I hope Ella will like the toys I bought: I know I will!

There's something profound and precious about giving oneself permission to be like a child, once again. In fact, the Bible says our faith is to be like that of a child. Not childish (immature, selfish, moody), but childlike - full of wonder, laughter, delight, and faith.

In the past few years there has been much talk about being spiritual Mothers and Fathers. In fact, I've talked a lot about that, myself. Even wrote a book, In Love, Where I Belong, which mentions this and I know it's important.
Yet in these past few months, I've heard the Lord remind me that being a 'Mom' doesn't negate being a daughter. I am and always will be His daughter: that came before being a 'Mom'.

It's an important distinction. When all we remember to be are 'parents', the cares and responsibilities seem to add up and sometimes seem overwhelming. When we remember to be a son or a daughter, we get to enjoy the life of a well-loved, well-protected and -provisioned child.

With all that is changing around us, its sometimes easy to worry. Children who know they're safe don't worry. In fact, if you watch a child at play, you'll remember how easy it is to be courageous. You know, capes and swords- the whole bit. Yesterday I was flipping through channels on the television and heard the character named Frank Burns, from the show MASH, say, 'Courage is something you just can't be afraid to have!' Spoken like a child.

So tonight I am giving you permission to be a daughter, to be a son. Step back from being The Responsible Party for just a moment, take a breath and look at something in your world through the eyes, the perspective of a child.You might just be surprised at how much fun life can be, once again.

Go ahead, Love Yourself to Life!

Finding a Quiet, Secluded Place

Am I the only one who doesn't get up and shop early on 'Black Friday'? I'm sure I'm not, but you know, when all you hear about on the news and in the papers is about this Day of Days for shoppers, it's easy to have the feeling that I'm missing out. (Even though I don't want to shop today!) How crazy is that???

So why is it I'm enjoying the peaceful quietness of my house and my warm cuppa tea so much? If shopping today is all it's cracked up to be, I'm thinking tomorrow should be Thanksgiving Day all over again, so everyone can be thankful for the amazing day and deals they're experiencing today!

May I confess something? Lately I've been feeling like I'm 'out of the loop' and missing out on many things. I look around and see people who are moving mountains as their influence is changing lives and shaping culture. As I 'read their press', it's easy to look at myself and once again, come up not exactly loving myself to life as that killer called 'comparison' comes calling. The "I should...", "Why haven't I..."and "If only...." lies start to drown out the reality of who I am called to be. Their insidious voices speak to me and I listen before I realize what is happening. This day after Thanksgiving, as I'm on a journey toward Thanksliving, finds me searching for significance, once again.

And then I opened the Message Bible and began reading Matthew. I got to chapter 6 and read this in verse 6: ' "Here's what I want you to do: find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense His grace." '

THAT'S IT! On this 'Black Friday', I once again get to choose if my thoughts and mind are 'black' with the lies that comparison throws my way, or get my mind and eyes back where they belong - on the Father Who created not only my physical self the way He chose, but gave me the gifts and abilities He wants to see released in worship back to Himself - in the way only I can.

Will you join me today in shifting our focus? It's not about shopping or not shopping, it's not about 'doing' or 'not doing' anything. Role-playing has no part in my relationship with my Dad. It's all about being with Him - and He'll pour out all the grace I need.

It's a good day to be Thankful, once again.

Thanksliving

Loving Myself To Life

It's Thanksgiving week! One of my favorite weeks of the year. Here in N CA the weather is finally cool and the rains have started. The leaves were brilliantly colored last week: with the last rain many of them fell from the trees. The fireplace feels just right in the evenings now, and I'm making plans for our family celebration of Thanksgiving this Thursday.

And in the midst of it all, I find I need to remind myself often to be kind to me. I had some big goals for my life that I made back in January: I didn't call them 'resolutions' as I knew I likely wasn't resolute enough to really make most of them happen! 

Looking back over that New Year 2012 list, it's easy to track which ones I've done well on, which are at least started and which ones, well, I totally forgot about until now when I found said list. I choose to be thankful that I've seen progress in as many areas as I have.

Can you guess which one of those goals is the furthest from being met? (A clue is my previous post.) I need frequent reminders that the vessel has no right to say to the Potter, 'Why have You made me like this?' (Romans 9:20)

So tonight I am making a choice to love myself to life by making a conscious decision to give thanks to God for all the victories and successes of the year: to declare my 'Thanksliving' list.

I am so, so thankful for:

* A family that loves one another and lives to love God well

* Better health than I've enjoyed for the past 8 years

* The ability to take care of my home and family; to take walks and see and enjoy the beauty of nature

* Getting to live my dreams, in writing books and help people know how much God loves them

* Friends who make me laugh and help me have fun

* A warm house. Heat. Electricity. Warm running water.

* More than enough of almost everything. Its amazing to me that I can take so much to the Goodwill Store year after year and still have more than I need.

You get the idea! And I know you could make such a list, as well. Yours might look different than mine as far as the details, but I feel sure you have much to put on a Thanksliving list. For this week - one moment and one day at a time - please join me in choosing to take my eyes off of what I haven't seen happen this year, and give thanks for all that has.

Add a note here to let me know what you're thankful for, will you? Together, we'll celebrate Loving Ourselves To Life!

Thanks Giving = Thanks Living.

 

Loving Myself to Life

My kitchen clock tells me it is now 7:31 a.m. as I sip on yet another morning shake. Having just returned from the gym and having not yet begun the 'walk of the day' (a 6 mile trail by the river), I'd actually prefer a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and nuts but no, I'm being a Good Girl and drinking the shake that has shaken the world of dieting.

According to numerous friends, THIS diet plan is the one we've all been looking and waiting for. And I've seen the proof in the pictures: some of my friends lost 30 pounds in the first 3 months of drinking this wonder powder. Me? I've been following the plan for 6 weeks now and have yet to lose anything but my patience as I await it's wonder-working power.

And so, once again this morning I have choices to make: Do I continue on the program or give it up? Do I continue working out or give that up, too? I already know the answers to these questions: I'll keep going. I feel great so will stick with the program until it's completion.

The bigger questions are these: Will I think and speak aloud the horrible, hateful things I so easily think about myself at these times? Or will I take those thoughts captive and make them be obedient and submit to what God's Word says about me?
Will I compare myself to someone else and come up lacking? Or will I compare myself with myself and realize I'm much stronger and healthier and physically alive than I've been in years?


Will I hate myself to death or love myself to life?

Last weekend I held a women's conference in Franklin, PA, for the women of 4 Mile Presbyterian Church. We had a great time! Holy Spirit was there and we left the weekend more in love with Jesus - and more accepting of ourselves - than we'd been in a long time. Perhaps, ever. To them I dedicate this blog.
Because you see, it was as I was heading to PA that I realized how easy it is for us as women to 'hate ourselves to death' and speak words of hurt, sometimes actual curses, over ourselves and our bodies. When Father God met with me that day and began talking to me about this, it was as though I could feel a bit of His sadness and hear a bit of His pain as He listens to His daughters and sons rip apart what He, the Master Potter, so carefully and loving created.

So, along with my friends from 4 Mile, I'm going to dedicate a portion of this blog to a page on 'Loving Myself to Life'. A page where we can interact and help one another to 'Remember Whose We Are'. I hope you'll join us and share with us the 'thick and thin' (sorry, bad joke) of what you are going through, as we journey through not only doing what we can to be healthy and well, but accepting, along the way, that which the Potter has formed in each of us. We can be honest and positive and life-giving all at the same time, my Friends. This is enough to make me start enjoy blogging!

And my advice? Skip the shake, go for the oatmeal!
Here's to LIFE!

Getting Behind to Get Ahead

"I'm so far behind!" 

That's how I've felt for, oh, some time now. What used to be so easy for me to accomplish now seems to be so difficult to stay caught up on. I've always been able to handle lots of varied tasks simultaneously, almost without thinking about it. Staying ahead of schedule and keeping organized while doing it has just been the way I do things. Not right or wrong, not even intentional, this has just  been the way I work.

So why, recently, do I find myself apologizing for not being efficient, or not accomplishing all I'd written on my infernal list? Frankly, I don't think anyone but me notices or cares that I'm "behind", yet I find myself saying, "I'm sorry" more often than is warranted.

And then this morning as I sat in church, waiting for the worship to start, I realized: I might actually be getting ahead! In the past I was raising a family and caring for a husband who worked long, hard hours as a construction worker. Now the children are grown and moved out, and Jim's job is not physically demanding, so much of what once seemed of utmost importance, now is unnecessary. Or at least doesn't deserve the amount of time and energy it once demanded of me. A new depth of realization - and freedom -  came to me that in this season, I'm doing just what I need to be doing, so don't need to feel guilty for not doing what I have in the past. This may sound like such a simple thing that it's not worth writing about --- but something tells me I'm not the only one feeling this way.

For me, it lines up something like this:

I have not: Kept up with dish washing so the kitchen is spotless, but

I have: Spent lots of time worshipping, with clean hands and a pure heart before Him.

I have not: Ironed Jim's shirts for work this week, but

I have: Straightened out some mindsets I'd adopted that weren't in line with His Word.

I have not: Done well with posting on facebook, writing thank-you notes or blogging, or phone calls, but

I have: Invested hours communicating with God in prayer and intercession, capturing God's heart for my family, my ministry, my call to the nations.

I have not: Kept up with daily exercise, falling behind nearly half the time, but

I have: Strengthened my faith through God's Word and fellowship with His people.

I think you get the idea. Those things that once were so important to me now fade in comparison to what He has called me to concentrate on at this time, and that's a good thing. I don't want to live in yesterday's reality or goals, but press on to the high calling He is calling me toward, today.

No more apologies! Not even to myself. 

If you are in a similar place in your journey, let me encourage you: When someone stops by your home or your workstation or your place of business, they won't know or care if your 'to-do list' is up-to-date, and they won't care. What will matter is that you've been spending time with the Father, being fed in His Presence. 

When we transition into this reality, the hungry will come to us and go away fed, having encountered the Bread of Life we've been feeding on, ourselves.

You know? As we allow old patterns and ways of doing what we've always done to fade away and we embrace the freshness of His 'now' Word,  I think we might just be ahead of the game...

I'm Clapping As Fast As I Can!

Remember the children's song, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands?" These past few days, I feel like I'm clapping as fast as my hands can go, and it's not fast enough to tell Papa God "Thanks" for all He's done.

The thing is, in many ways it's been a really tough week. Little things have interrupted my carefully scheduled office hours; in fact, even my plans for an evening swim have been waylaid more than once this week! (Imagine!) The loud, happy bustle of my home filled with all my children visiting has been replaced by a serene, tidy stillness that reminds me how much I love having them around me. And most important of all, I've finally had time to process the loss of three very dear friends in the past two months.

AND YET! In the midst of all my silly self-pity and very true grief, I have found myself so happy it nearly hurts. Why? The bottom line is - God is very near. His Presence feels almost tangible and even during the night I find myself waking up with a song pouring out of me.

You see, I have gotten to swim many times this week. The tall, decorative mirrored doors that welcome guests as they come in my front door are still covered with little hand prints and baby kisses, left there by my 14-month old granddaughter as she loved the 'baby in the mirror'. I'm not sure when I'll be able to wash those mirrors again! Those little smudges are reminders of the joy of generations that are following us.

And my dear friends who have died, I'm so glad to say, are each in heaven, celebrating a race run well and a life well lived. While I grieve for my loss, I celebrate their gain.

In the very real ups and downs of life, everywhere I look I can find the face of Jesus if I slow down long enough to see Him. And seeing His face makes me happy, and I know it.

I'm clapping as fast as I can.